Change Your Zip Code—Surrounding Yourself with the Right Peopl

Imagine this: You’re standing at a crossroads, deciding who you want to spend your time with. On one side are people who believe in you, encourage you, and lift you up. On the other are people who belittle your dreams, drain your energy, and make you question your worth. Which group will you choose?

There’s one zip code you should avoid at all costs: the zip code of bad people. These are the individuals who crush your confidence and make you doubt yourself. Surrounding yourself with the right people—those who inspire and support you—is one of the most important decisions you’ll make in life. At CoolCantor Hebrew School, I teach my students this vital lesson: Your “zip code,” or the people you let into your life, shapes who you become.

Jaxson’s Story: The Power of Changing Your Circle

One of my students, Jaxson from Atlanta, learned this lesson firsthand. He had big dreams of becoming an entrepreneur. He wanted to start his own online store selling custom-designed hats. But his so-called friends didn’t see his vision.

“They laughed at me,” he told me during one of our lessons. “They said I was wasting my time.”

I could see how much their words hurt him, but I reminded Jaxson of something important: “Your dreams deserve support, not ridicule. If someone mocks your goals, it says more about them than it does about you.”

Jaxson took that advice to heart. He started spending less time with those friends and sought out new ones who shared his interests and encouraged his ambitions. In just a few months, he launched his online store, and with the right support system, he’s thriving.

Jaxson’s success wasn’t just about hard work; it was about choosing the right “zip code” of people to have in his corner.

My Own Lesson in Choosing the Right People

When I was younger, I faced a similar challenge. At a new baseball camp, I desperately wanted to fit in with a group of kids who seemed confident and cool. But they weren’t great influences. They encouraged me to steal from the locker room—money, baseball cards, even lunches.

For one day, I went along with it because I was afraid of losing their approval. But when I got home, I felt terrible. I knew that wasn’t who I was.

The next day, I made a difficult but necessary choice: I cut ties with them. They teased me, called me names, and told me not to snitch, but I stood firm. Instead, I found a new group of friends who shared my values, and I’ve never looked back.

Later in life, my wife and I faced a similar situation. We had a group of friends who, at every dinner, only gossiped negatively about others. They never talked about dreams, ideas, or anything uplifting. We realized these weren’t the kinds of people we wanted in our lives. So, we chose to distance ourselves from them and sought out friends who lift others up and spread positivity.

Why the Right People Matter

The people you surround yourself with have an incredible impact on your success and happiness. Positive relationships can:
• Boost Your Confidence: Encouraging friends and mentors remind you of your strengths, even when you doubt yourself.
• Fuel Your Dreams: Supportive people help you stay focused on your goals and celebrate your wins.
• Provide Constructive Feedback: The right people will offer honest, helpful advice to help you grow.
• Inspire You: Being around high-achieving, kind, and motivated individuals can push you to reach your own potential.

What I Teach at CoolCantor Hebrew School

At CoolCantor Hebrew School, I teach my students the importance of choosing their circle wisely. Whether they’re preparing for their Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah or navigating friendships, the lesson remains the same: Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not tear you down.

For Jaxson, this meant finding friends who encouraged his entrepreneurial dreams. For another student, it meant distancing herself from a friend who constantly made negative comments about her appearance. Each student learns to recognize their worth and build relationships based on trust, respect, and shared values.

This approach extends beyond friendships. During our Online Bar Mitzvah Lessons or Virtual Bar Mitzvah Training, I emphasize the value of community—not just for one big day but for life. Students learn to build meaningful connections, whether they’re mastering the Weekly Torah Portion or preparing for their speech.

Tips for Choosing the Right People

Here are a few actionable tips for surrounding yourself with the right people:
1. Identify Red Flags
Be mindful of people who gossip, belittle others, or make you doubt yourself.
2. Seek Out Positive Influences
Look for friends, mentors, or family members who inspire and encourage you.
3. Set Boundaries
It’s okay to distance yourself from negative influences. Your mental health and dreams are worth protecting.
4. Find Shared Values
Whether it’s through activities like Hebrew Language Classes Online or local clubs, connect with people who share your goals and values.
5. Be a Positive Influence Yourself
Lift others up, celebrate their successes, and be the kind of person you’d want in your circle.

Building a Strong Foundation

Brayden and Lisa, a couple I officiated at their Jewish wedding in Toronto, understood this concept well. They chose to surround themselves with people who supported their vision for a meaningful Jewish wedding ceremony. Their community reflected their values, creating a day filled with love, joy, and positivity.

Just like Brayden and Lisa, Jaxson found success by choosing the right people to be in his corner. Whether it’s preparing for a Bar Mitzvah or building an art business, the lesson is clear: The people you surround yourself with shape your future.

Final Thoughts

Changing your zip code—your circle of influence—can transform your life. Whether you’re a student, a parent, or planning a wedding, remember that your community matters. At CoolCantor Hebrew School, I help students build the confidence to seek out positive relationships and embrace their potential.

Let’s surround ourselves with people who lift us up, celebrate our dreams, and inspire us to be our best selves.

Thanks for reading,
Cantor Ben